This is the third time I have dropped the "I'm leaving the country" bomb on my parents. The first time it was for Semester at Sea. They were surprised at first, confused, nervous...as to be expected. But the program was official, through the UVA as a matter of fact. I would be accompanied by professors and other "guides." Their biggest fear that time was "What if something happens and we have to call you? How to we get in touch?"
The second time was for South America. I had just gone through an emotional, rough break up. I was looking for something...for myself. I had been depressed for months and when I told my parents I was graduating early and packing up for 3 months with my best friend to travel South America...I got a "You're what!?" Their biggest concern this time was money. I was a recent graduate, I had no savings, I should be doing what everyone else is doing and saving for a car, an apartment, a life really.
This time is completely different. Third time means this is somewhat of a pattern- a direction my life is taking me. I have been living at home for over a year now. I have left for brief periods of time(3 months in Pittsburgh for summer) but for the most part, here I remain. I am bored. Very few friends live in town. I love my job but most of the other employees are 30+ years old. Not really friend material. I have a boring life. I am not depressed but I am not satisfied. I cannot imagine having this for the rest of my life even if i were to factor in a husband, kids and a family. I want that, don't get me wrong, but I want other things more right now.
I want to wake up and feel like I matter. I want to feel the endless possibilites for the day in the pit of my stomach. I want to know I have a slew of options for how to fill the hours in my day. I want to FILL the hours of my day with passion, not just fill them to pass them. I want to stand in a moment, in a place in this world and see everything as if it will never be better than this moment. I crave that feeling. It brings me alive to be in a new place, learning a new language by being immersed in that culture, to not be able to predict what the hours of my day will contain. That is when I thrive. That is what my life is missing...that passion for every moment.
Its a lot to ask for. One cant possibly have that euphoria every moment of their life for as long as they will live. But you can strive for experiences that will satisfy that part of you that craves new and exciting. For me, that is traveling the world. So here I go again.
This time I want to do it a little bit differently. My main goal in all of this is to become truly fluent in the Spanish language. I have taken Spanish for a few years but I am only decent. I have memories of being a kid reading the liner notes in Selena just wishing I could speak that language. Now, I dream of having a job where I speak Spanish on a daily basis....where I can build bridges between cultures. That is the main goal of this trip.
My friend Whitney, who I have known since college, she and I are planning a trip to Central America. Our main spots at this time are Guatelmala, Costa Rica and Panama. Honduras, El Salvador and Nicaragua are having some political instability issues that are deterring us from visiting at this time. We want to leave in September of this year.
My parents dont understand why I keep doing this. They keep saying "When this is over, will you have it out of your system?" They don't understand that this is a part of me and it will always be. Its not a question of checking it off so I can move on to something else. My mom says "Why can't you just do what everyone else is doing...the normal things." But I cant help but think that I am meant for something more, and that is a blessing.
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