Getting Back

You may wonder, 'How can I leave it all behind if I am just coming back to it? How can I make a new beginning if I simply return to the old?' The answer lies in the return. You will not come back to the 'same old thing.' What you return to has changed because you have changed. Your perceptions will be altered. You will not incorporate into the same body, status, or world you left behind. The river has been flowing while you were gone. Now it does not look like the same river.


I flew out of Guatemala on May 13th and I feel like I've had little time to regroup since I've been home. I flew straight to DC for a Bachelorette party, spent the following week entertaining a friend who was in town, and then the day he flew out, moved to Pittsburgh. I had no job, just an apartment and a best friend there. It became my mission the first week to find a job to pay the bills...which was hard to do!! Jobs, especially in social services (that pay more than 20000 a year) are hard to come by in this economy. Having been essentially "on vacation" for the better part of a year, this transition into regular, American life has been very stressful.

I worked for 2 years and lived at home to save up for my Guatemala/Honduras trip. I spent literally every penny I had down there. Having to dive full force into worrying about money was a lot to handle.

Not to mention life is completely different here. The things I got used to in honduras/guatemala are not here. Life is just different and without having firsthand experienced it, its hard to explain the difficulty in now coming back to life in America and feeling unsettled.

It seems silly, I know, but I was gone for nearly 9 months...longer than ever before so im feeling all out of sorts and im not sure quite how to get regrounded here. However the question in my mind is do I want to get resettled here?

At this point in my life the only thing I have keeping me in one place is a car. I'm 25 years old and have all the freedom in the world to pick up and go again. Part of me wants to leave again...go back to Central America and finish learning spanish, teach english, and live another good 6 months to a year down there.

But then another part of me wants to set up roots...find a job here in the states that I love and work my way up the ladder...save money, invest, buy a house, get a dog...do all the "adult things" that as a 25 year old, I should be doing.

But then I also know, if I don't take on these adventures now, i'll be knee deep in a job I love and won't want to leave. If I leave then, i'll have to work my way up all over again.

All of this is battling in my head everyday and it makes it hard to know which direction to head in next.

Gangster Club Takeover

If you are unfamiliar with my blog, or my life, you should know before reading this blog that my landlord in Honduras was a gangster. Not self-proclaimed, however he wasn't fooling anyone.

So the story goes...

The landlord was building a beach-front dance club and invited us to go to the grand opening. My 3 other roommates were out of town so it was just me and Cherry, my 50 something year old fellow volunteer. So we figured what the hell lets check it out.

We rode to the club with Landlord and wife who was dolled like the stereotypical latino trophy wife. We had some drinks, ate some free food, watched some "shows" which consisted of 5 scantily clad El Salvadoran women shaking their bon bons. And they were paid a hefty sum to do so. The locals were lovin it. Let me tell you that Tela is not a big tourist destination but with this club (which upstairs will be a strip club and casino when its finished) is supposed to revolutionize Tela (Or so my landlord hopes).

After a couple hours we find ourselves sitting at a booth with Landlord and his wife watching everyone dance. Landlord makes a joke and sets his best friend, his gun, in Cherry's lap saying "Here, hold this." She of course is like ummmm no thanks...and thank god because not 3 minutes later we realize the place is swarming with police officers. At least 12 of them, blocking the exits and wearing bulletproof vests and ski masks. SKI MASKS. The DJ stopped and the lights went on. They corralled everyone out onto the dance floor and separated the women from men. All I could picture was them shooting up the place and mass assassinating everyone right then and there. I was freakin out.

Knowing what I know about my landlord and Honduran culture, I could only imagine what exactly they were here in search of. They proceed to grope the hell out of everyone, lifting up t-shirts looking for tattoos, and pointing a gun at you all the while. They asked you for your papers and those without ID were sent to the other side of the room to line up. After it was all over they made them stand arms length apart, put their hands on the shoulders of the person in front of them, and then they walked them all out into a big van. They all went to the police station...including my landlord for his gun possession apparently.

Cherry and I couldn't WAIT to get the hell out of there. Unfortunately because of all the chaos it was impossible to get a cab so we went back into the club to wait for a short while thinking we'd get out of there in no time. How could we go back to drinking and dancing after all that!? Well we couldn't, but everyone else in the place did. They carried on til about 230am as if nothing was wrong. They even brought out the strippers to do a little pole dance for the brave souls still partying it up inside.

We got in a cab at our first opportunity and hauled ass out of there.

Needless to say, that is the last time I ever said yes when my landlord asked me to go anywhere. (and I didn't even take the garbage out without having my ID on me).

Thing I learned in Honduras

1. Baleadas are delicious. (GOOGLE it.)

2. It's ok to drive 100 miles an hour on windy roads without your seat belt and with a load full of people in the bed of the truck...some of them standing up.

3. Hitch hiking is always an option.

4. If you call your fat girlfriend "Gorda", it's a term of endearment.

5. There is no such thing as a "Brewery" and offering a Honduran a flavored beer with likely turn their worlds upside down.

6. You should carry an unregistered gun, in addition to your registered gun, you know, in case you have to kill anyone...

7. Do not go to club openings if you know a gangster owns the place. And if you do go, make sure you have your ID (story to come later).

8. Do not get in the shower without checking for roaches and jumping spiders.

9. When living on the coast, anything you put on no matter how "light" the fabric may seem, is going to make you sweat. Profusely. And its likely, all day long.

10. Don't find it weird when your driver/passenger rolls down the window and nonchalantly tosses out any garbage they might have.

Can I buy your baby?

I can't provide the background for this story but I needed to share this...

A man in Honduras offered me twenty thousand dollars to have his baby. I knew him for 2 days and he was completely serious. (I know this because he proceeded to ask me like 5 more times in the week that I spent with him).

What do you think I should name it?

Adios Central America, Hello Nation's Capital!

After an interesting week in Honduras before I left, I bopped back over to Guate City to say goodbye to Dennis and his family. They were so kind as to host me in their house for 3 weeks. Not knowing when, if ever, I'll be back, I was glad I got to say goodbye.

I flew out of Guate City and into Washington, D.C. to celebrate my high school friend Allison's bachelorette party. Thursday night my favorite rooommate Jihane picked me up at the airport and gave me the VIP treatment. I slept in an amazingly comfortable bed for the first time in months, ate delicious food prepared by chef Jihane herself and had a hot, clean shower. That, and I got to catch up with a friend I hadn't seen in years. Ahh, how enjoyable.

Friday Allison's sister and the MOH, Sarah, picked me up from the Subway and the party began! All the other girls arrived Friday night and we piled on the couch and sang Disney Classics. (This is starting to be a recurring theme in my life..?!) Saturday we went to a food/wine festival at the National Harbor. We each sampled like 10000 wines and when we were sufficiently tipsy we hauled ourselves back to the SWANKY ASS hotel room that the MOH scored. Nicest hotel room i've seen in all of my 25 years...seriously. We stuffed our faces with delicious American appetizers and then headed out to the bar. This is when it got interesting...(not that eating weenie gummies and rapping to TLC Waterfalls is not interesting.)

We went to this bar with live music and danced around like idiots while sucking down some fiercely strong rum and cokes. But when we all wanted to really DANCE that took us in another direction. Outside the bar we see this huge hotel and the top floor is glowing with what could be nothing other than club lights! We somehow recruited some guy to take us there because it was a "guests only" club...so ONE dude and TWELVE finely dressed ladies go strolling up to the top floor where we find it, the club! The night culminates in a dance off, a man "making it rain" with crinkled dollar bills and an overdose of Jersey Turn-piking out of the least likely candidate. I ended the night walking home in my socks. I'd say it was a success.

Now in all seriousness, Allison is getting married. This is the first wedding of my close friends and the first wedding I've ever been in. I still feel like I'm 15 years old...how can my friends be getting married!?

Estoy Enamorada

"The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope.”

In the small town of Tela, Honduras there is a large piece of property where 133 of the most incredible children live. Every last one of them is not adoptable. I was fortunate enough to spend 2 months with them. This is what I learned.

S.O.S Children's Village International was founded my Herman Gmeiner in 1949. It is a social development organization that operates in 132 countries. The focus is on long-term, family based care for children who are no longer able to live with their biological families. http://www.sos-childrensvillages.org/What-we-do/Pages/default.aspx




In Tela, the 133 children, ages 3-19, live in 14 different houses on a large complex.
Each house has 8-10 kids and a "Madre" and blood siblings are kept together. They have chores, refer to one another as"brother and sister", and go about their daily routines like any other family. My time in Tela was the first experience I had ever had with such a unique system, but I found it absolutely amazing.

I became connected to the SOS village through a nonprofit organization in the states called Honduras Children. While I was there, there were 4 other volunteers: 3 Americans and a Canadian. When we first arrived it was chaotic. The previous batch of volunteers had been leading a summer program while the kids were out of school. When we arrived, the children had just returned back to school which meant the volunteer program was transitioning as well, which had never been done. H.C. only starting working with the S.O.S. back in November or 2010 so the kinks have not yet been ironed out. In addition, the Village had a new Director and some other changes to staffing. All these changes meant we were pretty much starting from scratch to make a schedule and choose what our focus would be during the academic year program. This turned out to be quite difficult. All the kids go to different schools and there are 3 time slots during the day for class sessions: 7am-12, 1pm-5pm and 5pm-9pm. Anytime you plan an activity you have to work around this class schedule, as well as around meal times, chores, extracurriculars, etc.


We decided on a schedule after a few tweaks that allowed us 5-6 hours at the village everyday. In the mornings we ran a one hour Preschool program for the kids ages 3-6. We read stories, counted, practiced identifying letters, numbers and their names, played some gross motor games and introduced small manipulatives. After the morning sessions we would go to a classroom where we'd set up "stations". There would be 3-4 activities for the kids to choose from. Some days 2 kids would come, other days 20. This of course made planning difficult. We went home for lunch break and then came back to run an afternoon session similar to the mornings. Then from 330-5/6 we would go over to the field/court and do large group activities and play outside with the kids. During our time there I did a bit of everything. We taught English, math games (sudoku!), did arts and crafts, taught them new board games and card games, etc.




Another highlight of my time there was learning Honduran culture. Being around the kids all day, who didn't speak English, became an excellent way to learn Spanish. I value every minute I spent with the kids there. It was a perfect juxtaposition of difficult and wonderful. I will carry with me in my memories a few extra special people and experiences from my time there and I would like to share them here.

Ingrid:

Ingrid is 18 years old and is blind. She has a walking stick and goes twice a week in a bus to a bigger city nearly 2 hours away to study Braille. When I first started there we would spend several hours in a classroom playing games with the kids. We would bring educational activities to supplement what the kids were learning in school. Ingrid would walk her younger siblings over, or wander by on her own, but would rarely come in. She usually observed whatever it was we were doing from afar, and then left. I watched the way she interacted with the other kids. She'd ask a lot of questions but the kids wouldn't give her sufficient answers. She never got involved in any of the activities because they were all seemingly "sight required".

One day I invited her in and spent some time explaining all the games to her. She wanted to know what everything was: what color, how does it work, what's it called. So I picked up the toys one by one, put them in her hands and explained them to her. She was enthralled. She started coming to the classroom regularly and would call my name from the doorway to see if I was there. I started bringing more tactile things for her benefit and she loved it. Finaly I decided since she was so curious to play these games yet no one was showing her how because she was blind, that I was going to teach her. I started small-- just letting her touch the games and things that we were using that she couldn't. Then I started by explaining to her the rules and modified the games so she could play. By the time I left, she and I were doing puzzles together. I'd hand her a piece and say "this point, in this space" and she would put them together. We played card games, math games, did puzzles, colored...she'd yell for me when kids were playing new games and ask me what they were playing. Then she'd say "Quiero apprender... Ensename!" "Teach me, I want to play." :)

I love these kids and many of them I'll remember til the day I die. But when I went to say bye to Ingrid it really tugged at me. I could only imagine how quickly she would learn if someone sustained interactions like this with her. In leaving, I can only hope that the future volunteers will love and nurture her as much as I was able to.

Maria:
When I first arrived we went around to the houses to talk to the Madres about what our role as volunteers could be. One Madre mentioned that she had a girl in her house that was really behind in school due to learning disabilities. Any reinforcement we could provide would be really useful. I was elated. This had been my job for 2 years while working with Head Start and I was anxious to get started with Maria.



Maria is 10 and was assigned division and multiplication problems for homework. The problem is she cannot consistently identify numbers. In addition, she can't identify most letters consistently and she cannot read. I was baffled at how she could possibly expect to experience any success in school. So, Maria and I started working just a half hour together every day, however we quickly extended the time slot to an hour. Maria and I mostly worked on number recognition and basic addition problems. Because of her dyslexia and other learning disabilities it was a tremendous amount of repetition and very slow improvement. Unfortunately I only had 4 weeks with her. However, when I left another volunteer was able to continue the work with Maria.

I felt like the work I did with Maria was the most important thing I did while at the Village. It was where I felt the most success as a volunteer. I think there are many children in Honduras, especially in the Village, that are not up to par with American educational standards. This is because of perpetual strikes, unqualified teachers and little emphasis on the importance of education. I was in Honduras for 5 weeks before the kids, who were supposed to have been in school all along, attended a day of school. That's five weeks of school that they will not make up. And that's only THIS strike. There are sure to be more. The teachers work assuming the government will pay them for the months of work they're owed. The government doesn't pay so the teachers stop working until the government pays. Because of this, the kids are missing a great deal of education. Having volunteers to work one on one with the kids who have really fallen behind in the village is a tremendous contribution and I pray that the organization continues to seek out and help these children. It is in my mind where volunteers have the potential to make the most impact in the SOS Community.


Fernando and Miguel:
I did some minor artistic posters for the classroom and one day while I was out working with Maria, one of the kids, Miguel noticed them and asked who did them. He then tracked me down and told me he wanted to learn to do that. So I started with just showing him bubble letters and simple designs with markers. He loved it! Then he asked what else I could teach him. So for the last two weeks after my obligations were done for the day, I sat with Miguel and taught him how to draw. I taught him about the different grades of pencils and we focused on how to draw faces. He took my sketch book one night with an assignment: draw one face. He came back the next day with 3 really well done pieces! He told me they dont have art class in school and there was supposed to be a community art class that never came to be. I was so disappointed to know that I had a talent that I could really pass on to this kid and I didnt realize it until my last 2 weeks there. So much potential! I take for granted having art class because I always did. But these kids don't and for those with talent, theres no one to teach them! I remember my art classes and learning how to use new materials is really difficult without some guidance.

After seeing what I did with Miguel, another teenager, Fernando, wanted to learn too. So we started with faces. Teaching him he techniques for soft edges, shading, the shape of faces and features...it was a lot of fun for me and I think he really enjoyed the one on one time. It was incredibly difficult trying to teach them art skills with a limited spanish vocabulary on the topic. After one day of borrowing my sketchbook, Fernando used his own money and bought himself a sketch book and pencils. He came to find me as soon as he got back with a huge grin on his face. We spent about an hour that day practicing drawing bodies in motion.

At the end of the week, when my time there came to an end, the Madres organized a lunch to say goodbye. Fernando's mom really surprised me by getting teary eyed and telling me that they felt so lucky to have me. She said the kids will remember me forever for what i've meant to them, especially to Fernando and the passion for art I helped nurture in him. I held back tears as it hit me how important my role as a volunteer was for these children. It reassured me that i needed to find a way back here to these kids.

So that's it. Estoy enamorada. With a village of children in Honduras. :)






I need to go back. There is just so much more to do there. My goal at this point is to do some research into the feasibility of starting a non-profit for the Village. If anyone knows anything about the process or knows anyone who might help me gather information, please contact me. If you'd like more information about how you might help the SOS, I can help with that too.