Its like blah, blah blah

So whats new...

My good friend got another DUI and went to jail which is insane. I knew he had a problem but I had no idea it was that bad. Well I suppose thats a lie. I knew it was that bad but you stop involving yourself in the drama of addiction when they won't listen to your attempts to get them to stop. So now there is a rude awakening for him and now rehab which will hopefully get him back on track with the rest of his life. It is insane to talk to someone who is sitting in jail. From what he's told me, it's the shittiest place ever, not that I thought otherwise...

Syracuse lost. Huge upset #2 for the tournament. Didn't make it to the elite 8 which is insane. But the team that beat us is now in the final four so I don't feel so bad about it anymore. I never cared about Syracuse basketball so I feel sorta silly but I am having fun watching the tournament this year. Jimmy Fallon says in Fever Pitch "I like being part of something that's bigger than me, than I. It's good for your sould to invest in something you can't control." I totally agree. So I bought some more Syracuse apparel online and I have full intentions of being all about it next season :)

I found FOUR pairs of jeans the other day. I have to take one back but still, three pairs of nicely fitting jeans in one shopping trip!? I haven't bought jeans in easily 3 years so this was epic. I hate pants shopping. Its a for sure day ruiner. But I am delighted with my purchases and I intend to continue working my ass off at the gym to ensure continued satisfaction with my new jeans! Success!

So ultimately life is good. I am house sitting so I am getting a reminder about what it's like to have some independence with your living situation haha and I am loving it. Def time for me to move out and away! Come September...

:)

The Known Unknowns... ;)

So a New Years goal of mine (stolen from Leah Christy herself) was to read a book a month. It dawned on me today that I didn't actually FINISH my Feb. book. I read four in Jan and I started three in Feb but didn't finish any. I have this problem where I like to have at least two books going at all times. Some nights I lay down and don't feel like reading the book I read the night before so it helps to have a few going. Right now I am working on two more educational books. One is "Do Children Need Religion" and the other is "It's A Wonderful Lie" to book I referred to early in the blog.

So the one book about religion, it talks a lot about how religion is just created as a way to assign purpose to our being here. It also talks about how when explaining religion to yourself, and in the end to your children, you sometimes have to accept that there are some questions that you just have to accept that there is no answer. Some things you will never know the answer to and you are not meant to...like where you go when you die or what the meaning of life is. You have to just design your own answers and live in accordance with those beliefs.

While on that topic...today is someone's birthday that was at one time, very very special to me. I'm wondering, do you ever forget days like that? And do other people that were once so intertwined in your life you don't know where they start and you end...do they think about you on your birthday or other special days, even for a second? I guess that's something I'll have to accept maybe never knowing the answer to.

Children International

Since October of last year I have been sponsoring a child through Children's International. It's a non-profit organization that uses monthly donations to address a childs' immediate needs like access to doctors, safe water, clothes, uniforms and school supplies, and education through tuition assistance. The agency is audited semi-annually in the states as well as sending field CPA's to the sites around the world to make sure finances are legitimate.

My little one, Dayana is 13 and lives in Cartagena, Colombia. I picked her because she has the most cheerful smile. We've exchanged a few letters and she is just so adorable. She so appreciates everything I do by simply registering for $22 a month to automatically come out of my checking. I send her a letter every month or so and she does the same.

It is a fantastic program and a great way to share some of the wealth we are all so lucky to have. The goal is to support these children in ways their families cannot and provide them with opportunities to better themselves. When they graduate (around 18years of age or so) their possibilities are dramatically increased because someone took the time to care. Me :)

If you're interested, the link is
http://www2.children.org/en/us/Pages/Home.aspx?sid=C949C93-1A20-4400-9626-CF66536AD1281

The Price of Beauty

I was looking forward to watching Jessica Simpson's new show because the concept is brilliant. She goes traveling throughout the world to investigate what makes women "beautiful" in other cultures. As a traveler, I have seen firsthand the outright differences between our culture and others. Its fascinating, really. So I was really excited...

I don't DISLIKE Jessica. The girl is gorgeous but she is not the right personality for the show by any standards. First off, she is walking through a market in Thailand in 4 inch heels. Then she makes a scene in the market over eating a BUG. She chose to, cut down the drama. Then she acts like a tard at the monastery when attempting to meditate with a monk. Even worse, they totally skimmed over the parts of the episode that truly could have been revealing about the perceptions of beauty in Thailand. Some kind of emotion from Jessica or her posse would have been nice as well.

To make it worse...one of the commercials was for her clothing line. Here she is talking about how seeing the lady who had a massive reaction to the skin bleaching products that are unregulated and sold over the counter in the country. Jessica says something about feeling guilty about placing so much emphasis on outward beauty and on and on, yet in the middle of the show shes advertising for the products she designs that feed into the very things she is speaking out against.

Total bummer.

Decisions, decisions

Ok so I have a new dilemma/decision I have to make as far as what I am going to be doing this summer.

Option ONE: Go to pittsburgh June21-Aug7th and work Summer Camp like I did last year. I LOVED it last year. My kids were fantastic, I played dodgeball and sat in the sun at the pool all summer. It was def. enjoyable and the pay was good and I lived with Megan and we had a TON of fun. Plus I was around a lot of my friends and we went out a lot and it was just a really good summer. Amazing job erperience/networking/future job opportunities, etc.
Downfalls...its shorter than it was last year so less money.

Option TWO: Stay in Erie, collect unemployment (If I qualify..not a given), continue working 6 hours a week for Barber Center as a TSS and then supplement income with babysitting jobs if possible. Def would be more money IF I both qualify for unemp. AND am able to find babysitting jobs that are something more than every other weekend or something. Since the farm didn't sell anymore I will have ONE more summer to spend at the farm (DEF. Bonus!). Negatives...continuing to live at home with parents where I have not many friends and the scene is just kinda tired.

So it sounds like Pitts is way more fun but Erie enables me to save more money. Im not sure which is more important esp with this Guatemala trip (and expenses) looming...

I need some input. I know the ultimate decision is mine but I am so very confused!

Strangers Again

Have you ever had a relationship in your life that came and went, for whatever reason? Growing apart, bad timing, distance...? Some relationships, no matter how brief, change you. You find yourself missing something you know you can't have and in some moments you find yourself wishing you had never met them, just so you wouldn't be missing them...or wondering why it can't be something more.


"Long before we ever touched
Long before we knew too much
I wish we were strangers again

Long before we ever kissed
Long before I ever missed you
I wish we were strangers again

I want yesterday to come back again
Nothing is as simple as I once knew
Why can't everything be the way it was
Before the day that I lost you?

Long before the afterglow
Long before our tears fell slow
I wish we were strangers again"
-Ari Hest

a skyscraper or a city

"For money you can have everything it is said. No, that is not true. You can buy food, but not appetite; medicine, but not health; soft beds, but not sleep; knowledge but not intelligence; glitter, but not comfort; fun, but not pleasure; acquaintances, but not friendship; servants, but not faithfulness; grey hair, but not honor; quiet days, but not peace. The shell of all things you can get for money. But not the kernel. That cannot be had for money." -Arne Garborg, writer (1851-1924)

So in coming across the question asked so many times of me in my youth, “what do you want to be when you grow up” I felt myself having an intellectual revelation. Why have I been striving all my life to be “insert job title here” or even "job title" proceeded by some word alluding to the size of your bank account? Why do I need to have one direction that I will blindly follow for the rest of my life?

Because I was raised to think that was how I made a name for myself in this world. People value money and successful careers. It just so happens that in this society, the bigger the salary the bigger your success in whatever career you choose. So as I get ready to walk down the road to high satisfaction, low pay road of social work I start to wonder what it is that I am doing?

We are trained our whole life to go the direction of ONE vaguely defined career path. Sure, it changes as you age (I would no longer say to my parents that I realistically want to be an ice skater when I grow up) but the concept is the same. Pick one, any one, and in that direction you go. So in saying that I wanted to go to school for psychology that presumably meant when school was over the jobs as a therapist would come rolling in. But that is so far from where I am heading. People look at me funny when I say my next big direction is international adoption because it seems across the pond from my undergraduate degree. The problem is, from getting from BA in psych to MA in social work to employee in intl adopt, I have a few minor (or major, depending on who you talk to) detours to make. Does that mean I am not following my dreams or that I may not end up where I say? Yes and no….

I am open to the idea of planning for now, and maybe for the next step. But if something changes and that next step doesn’t fall in line the way I planned, so what? In making one detour you open up so many other potential paths that you didn’t see coming. So while my next big career move is to go back to school, before I do that I want to travel again. If in traveling my mind changes, then so will my next big step. Does that mean I "fail" if I don't end up in grad school or in international adoption...or that I didn't try hard enough? No. Not in my mind. I think that in being open to whatever comes my way and allowing myself to bend with my experiences I set myself up to have a genuine life satisfaction that I would not find if I had defined my future 5 years ago never strayed.

So the question is, one building or a whole city? ...In picking one thing and grooming yourself for years to work your way up the career ladder you are only constructing one unit, one skyscraper. And while that is enough for some, it isn’t what I want. I find it much for gratifying to build on one unit until I feel it is complete, for now, and then begin working on another. If I come back to refine my first unit later, then so be it. But in doing all of this I will have constructed a beautiful, well rounded city. If that means I am called fickle…aimless… or even something as harsh as unsuccessful, ill take it.